i miss you and i've never spent the night with you... 

I miss the way you would hold me...  The way your lips would caress my neck all night long. 

The way your voice would whisper all sweet nothings in my ear.  And i wreck my brain trying to figure out what it is that you would say... 

i miss what the warmth of your body would feel like when pressed against my own... the soft sensation of your arms wrapped around my small body.  Fitting perfectly the way we would lay... if we layed together all night long.

I miss waking up in the middle of the night to what my eyes would probably never get used to seing, in ways i would probably never get used to being... undressed and aching to feel you inside of me again... (wondering if that's the way that it would happen anyway).

i miss the things you haven't done.  i miss you the way i haven't felt yet.  I miss you when my phone doesnt' ring and when i go hours without seing you.  I miss you when you're close to me but i know you're gonna leave.

i dont' even know you... i haven't been with you.  but i miss you.

i miss you like i've known you all my life, but haven't seen you in years.  waking up every hour of the night, looking, searching, wondering why you're not here... with me.

and my heart aches when i don't see you, or hear from you, or late at night when i'm alone.  and it aches when i tell you to leave, or stay away, or dont' answer my phone. 

and then i miss you some more...

I've been sleeping by myself since the sand slipped through my fingers.  I clutched my fist so tight i lost it all.  But that bed has never felt that cold and empty... since the minute i saw you walking through my door.  I sat next to you only a few minutes, when i realized your arms would drown my soul.  And i can't go without your face a single minute, running through the spheres in my mind.  I wanted you to stay and hold me all night long, to kill the monsters i've been trying to hide.  and when i saw you walk away my heart sunk low, my spirit cried to you and you returned.  I savored the pureness in the wetness of your lips, and  favored every touch your hands have since then traced.  your words are poisoning the sanity in my grip, and my reality and my truth i have misplaced.  Your voice is saved along with all you say, your sound is a whisper i could not mistake.  your smile can hold me captive when i want to run away, your glorious eyes are the piercing sacred passion from which i can't stray...

i miss you so damn much...  i need you to hold me-

(you're driving me crazy my 'yummy baby')*

heeeeyyy!!! i'm back and ready to take over- AGAIN.. lol!   nah seriously... I'm back in many ways. I came back in to the Corps.  I'm still a CPL but my score and date of rank are now the day i "re-enlisted".  Which  suckx. but not  that bad since i'm a Cook now... and the scores are pretty low, so expect me to be a SGT by the end of the year.  Anyway... I'm OJT (On The Job Trainning) at the messhall... I LOVE this place! Cooks are crazy.. just my kind of people. lol Now i'm on the range.  My MSGT wants me to pick up SGT soon.  I'm trying to go on an MSSG (on ship).  I"m so excited.  I was all depressed when they told me i was gonna be a cook... but i'm LOVING it!!

Anyway,  I'm on the range... like i said earlier.  Damn! I'm not even SCRRD 'bout it or nut'n!!  I'm actually anxious. I want to start shooting already and shshshsh- 

Also.. the baby is soooooOoo beautiful.  He's doing cute ass shit!  like trying to talk... but he talks and says whatever, and then thinks is cute and people just gonna laugh cause he said it!  oh! and he laughs loud as hell... like he has no sense of voice control or nothing!!  he runs around and hits me and hits himself, and hits everyone... it's crazy.  Cute as hell.. but crazy!

Well, that's it for now.  I'm on duty...  I've been trying to read RRRRbody's blog but i'm on a GOv computer.  AND IT'S SLOW AS HELL!!!!

TAKE CARE... GOTTA GO-MY 'SECRET BOYFRIEND' CAME TO SEE ME_ LOL